vaginapagina | Pain during sex after period of celibacy?

Pain during sex after period of celibacy?

Hey!

So, here's the deal: I'm sexually active with my boyfriend, the same one I lost my virginity too. Anyway, we have sex regularly, but I've noticed that if we don't for a little while, I get...erm, tighter. At least, it seems like I do. Example, during the 2 weeks of finals at my school, we didn't have sex for a while and when we finally did...ow. Big ow.

Well, we're in two different places for the summer and have been apart for about a month and a half now. And he's coming to visit in two weeks and we'll probably end up having sex.

Since it's been so long, I'm just nervous about the possible pain. Is there anything I can do? Also, has any one else experienced anything like this? Am I actually getting "tighter" or is it a mental thing?

Thanks in advance!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Do you use lubrication? I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend and so we only see each other weekly at most. Using lube with intercourse (and, of course, making sure you're fully aroused beforehand) definitely helps -- if the insertion goes easier, the rest of it is much less likely to be painful or too tight. The vagina's a muscle, so with use it becomes more able to accomodate objects -- it doesn't become looser, it just is better able to stretch when needed. Since you'll be having gaps between times you're able to have intercourse, using lube and making sure you're fully aroused -- maybe have an orgasm or two before you attempt intercourse -- should definitely help you stretch more with less pain and tightness.

I was wondering about the orgasm thing...my boyfriend seems to be convinced I'm tighter if I have an orgasm beforehand, and as he's expressed, that might be considered a good thing for him, it's not worth the pain it causes me.

Does an orgasm loosen up your muscles or tighten then? I'm confused.

Also, do you think using a lubricated condom is enough? I naturally produce alot of lube, and it's not really a feeling of friction as much as stretching.

Thanks so much for all your advice!

I honestly think it's all in your head. I didn't have sex for about 2 and a half years after losing my virginity (which was a one-time thing) and although I did feel tighter at the time, I got back into the swing of things. I don't really think that a matter of a day or two that the vaginal muscles could get as "tight" as you think. It may vary person to person, but as it's been said above, it's a muscle. It accommodates to fit larger objects.

Also as said above, I'd recommend using more lube when you have sex. And foreplay! Foreplay will get you around and will relax your muscles in there.

Is not "all in her head"

What the OP is probably experiencing, is the fact that its been a little while and the friction is uncomfortable. Lube helps ALOT and also, going slow after a while helps too.

Well, it *could* be in her her head, it could not be. There aren't enough details about how she mentally expected the feeling to be like, but that's just what my first instinct is.

Either way - foreplay, foreplay, foreplay!

Yay for having more reasons to demand foreplay! :D

*winces slightly at prior post* The thing to remember about "all in your head" is that what's in your head can indeed affect the reflexes -- if you're expecting pain, and you tense up, you're more likely to get pain. Knowing this... It's a reflex, it's not necessarily under conscious control. (The extreme end is vaginismus!)

While you may not be objectively "tighter," you may not be prepared, relaxed, or used to the sensation. If you don't masturbate with insertion of boyfriend-sized toys, your vagina is going, "Woah! Wait, what is this thing?" And your muscles may reflexively "blink" down there, which is literal tightness and can make things painful if you try to go on.

If you can go slower, with lots of foreplay and lube, that would probably help. If you've got enough endorphins in your system, a minor amount of discomfort may not register as pain so much as "whee, more sensation!" If you can masturbate with insertion, to remind your body "no, really, this is fun!", that might also help.

The "blinking" idea really sounds alot like what happens to me. I was trying to think of how to put it and you nailed it right on the head.

I've been trying to masturbate with insertion, but it seems to be making me more nervous as I noticed it's hard to even get my finger in me. I think I just might get more aroused and comfortable with my boyfriend. As you mentioned, what's in your head can affect reflexes.

Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it.

Also, boyfriend-sized toys is the best phrase ever.

...and I don't think it's "all in your head." I've noticed the same thing happens to me if my bf and I go for a couple of weeks without having sex. It's a bit painful and uncomfortable at first but once we do it a few times it actually feels like my vagina "loosens up" somewhat and the discomfort disappears. It's not a lubrication issue because I normally produce lots of it and even though we use additional lube, it still feels a bit uncomfortable. We haven't had sex in two months, so I shudder to think how things will feel when we finally do!

I've been checked out by my gyn and there are no medical reasons for why this happens to me. I don't have any recommendations for how to ease the pain except using lots of lube and having as much sex as possible. Oh, I posted about this before and got quite a few responses from women who've experienced the same thing, so you're not alone! http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/10228188.html

While I don't want to say I'm, you know, happy you have the same problem (it does kinda suck), it's really comforting to know I'm not the only one experiencing it. Thank you so much!

Question: do you experience the abdominal pain more in any certain position? I don't really know what it is! I seem to experience it more when I'm on the bottom and I thought it was from me lifting my hips (sorry if that's TMI). I don't know if my boyfriend is, erm, able to hit my cervix (just wanna add it, it's all how you use it!), so I've been wondering for a long time what the pain in my abdomen was.

The discomfort is more intense when I'm on top or bottom. If he's behind, there doesn't seem to be as much pain although the discomfort is still there.

Feel free to ask me any more questions if you want, I'm glad my post was of help to you! :)

(deleted comment)

What kind do you use?

I had some great stuff, but I packed it away before I came back home for the summer, and I got it at a sex toy store, and we are lacking nice ones in Texas (I spend the school year in Manhattan. Yay Babeland!)

Same problem here. I thought about posting but thought I would see a similar post soon and read the comments there. I saw my boyfriend in November, then January, and now he's moved in with me in late June. We are having a lot of sex (for my standards) after a six-month separation and it was hurting really badly, but I got my chunch waxed, we switched condoms, grabbed a bottle of lube and things have been pretty good since. The pain is much diminished. We use the Kimono condoms, either micro-thin or regular. They have great lubrication. It also always helps of course when he goes downtown right before we start....nice!

Heehee! It's quite nice to have multiple good reasons for him to, um, go downtown as you said. :D

Thanks so much for your advice!

I only see my bf every 3-4 weeks and I definitely notice that it feels at bit tighter at first, as does he. I just make him start off very slow and it usually goes away before too long.

My boyfriend is going through a majorly stressful period of his life, and so sex has diminished (it's starting to be more often though, yay!). Just recently, it was 12 days without sex. After that we did it for a while, and I was sore for almost a full day afterward. My abdomen was. It's normal for some. It didn't stay past a day though, and I haven't had issues since.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. After having a active sex life then nothing for almost a year. It did hurt a little and I was sore. The more times the better it will get as well. But, I agree with most here that lube, and going slow helps alot. I also think having a understanding partner is good as well. Different postion also help. Just let him know which ones are better. Since, this is your BF no problems there. By the way he said that I was tighter then when we had been together before go figure.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pain during sex after period of celibacy?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I have the same problem too...

Re: I have the same problem too...

Re: I have the same problem too...

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject