Is sex like an addiction?

[lunarcapricorn.livejournal.com]

Do some people really NEED sex? Like they can't function without it?

I would like to have a sex-less relationship, but I've noticed that when we go without for a while, my boyfriend gets more determined to have sex. He starts making dirty comments/jokes, grabbing me, touching me more, etc. He's not the nice man I know, he gets scary. Sometimes I really have to fight him off.

I don't understand it because I can go forever without. Do some people just NEED to have sex?

Comments

[sand-woman.livejournal.com]

As others have said, you really need to talk to him. You may find the best thing for both of you is to have a close friendship rather than a relationship. It's absolutely fine for you to not want sex, and you don't have to have it, but it's likely to mean you don't have a partner either. I can see why he keeps making moves - he won't realise that he's scaring you and he's hoping to seduce you. Unless you explain you are not comfortable with sex or sexual advances, he won't know, and will continue to do it. He's probably feeling rejected and confused and doesn't know why you're having less sex with him. You must explain how you're feeling to him.

[numbersnletters.livejournal.com]

Why do you assume it's just innocent seduction? Why do you assume he doesn't know he's scaring her? She used the words "fight him off" to describe what she's doing, and she described a switch in personality when he doesn't get what he wants. That doesn't sound innocent to me. He might very well be aware that she's uncomfortable, yet continue to be threatening to her. It's not her job to nicely explain herself if he is being dominating and coercive, and not paying attention to her signals. If she's "fighting him off", he's probably aware that something is wrong.

[sand-woman.livejournal.com]

That's a fair point. If "fight him off" refers to pressure and physical danger, then the relationship needs to end. I find it hard to tell from what the poster writes, because one person's scary is another person's sexy. However, if she's not directly told him she doesn't want sex, she does need to do so.

[numbersnletters.livejournal.com]

I find it important to point out that someone who is being abused is in the most danger at the moment they disengage from their abusive partner, and for the period of time immediately following the disengagement. Ask at any battered women's center.

I understand the importance of communicating with one's partner, but if that partner is abusive (physically or otherwise) the rules change. Abusive, controlling people don't react well when their partner brings up their concerns with the relationship. The OP stated that there was unwanted physical contact and that she was scared. I would err far on the side of caution. I disagree that she needs to tell her partner, I think she needs to tell a counselor trained in risk assessment of domestic violence.