vaginapagina | becoming comfortable with anilingus / rimming

Entry tags:

anal-sex,
oral-sex

becoming comfortable with anilingus / rimming

i am just FULL of questions today. probably because last night was sort of a breakthrough evening with my S.O.

we were talking about fantasies and whatnot and i asked him if there was anything he fantasizes about that he hadn't told me. he said "one thing..." and after a few minutes of coaxing, he finally told me that he wants to finger me while giving me a rim job. i was a bit taken aback.

i am not a fan of buttholes. in fact, when we first started sleeping together i told him i wasn't into anal play. but most of that was based off of the fact that i don't have any experience with it.

i would really like to be able to do this for him. i love him very much and i'm willing to try new things. who knows, maybe i'll like it... but it took me a while to even get used to the idea of 69ing because i was so paranoid about having his face jammed in my ass (only to find out later that he actually likes that aspect!).

so i spent a while reading up on it today, trying to figure out the best way to go about it and keep everything clean (i've decided a nice piece of saran wrap and some lube is the way to go because there is NO way i'm allowing him to put his tongue on/in my bum) but i'm still a little weirded out by it just because i've always thought that your bum is dirty and so why would anyone want to put their face (let alone their tongue) near it??

does anyone have any words of advice for becoming more comfortable with the whole idea? any personal stories on weird things that can happen while you're down there?

thanks vagpagers.

oh and just a note: he isn't putting any pressure on me to do this. he told me that if it makes me uncomfortable that i don't even have to consider doing it. so no worries there : )

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your bum is perfectly clean! the only time poo is near there is when you have to go. you don't store it there. i would suggest maybe taking a shower together and getting each other clean. there won't be a smell or taste of anything after that.

it's one of my favorite things to have done. i use a clitoral stimulator while he's doing that and it's the best thing ever.

oh and i'll add a little P.S.

if you have regular bowel movements and wipe your ass, you still won't be yucky down there even if you don't take a shower. the shower is just the extra step if you are worried.

and i can guarantee after a shower there won't be the smell or taste because i've done the reverse on my husband. smells like soap and tastes like if you licked your arm (i.e. no taste).

sweet. shower sounds like the way to go. thank you!!

If you really don't want to do it, you might see if you can find some porn that represents it and watch it together while fooling around. Sometimes I do that with my guy when it's something I find arousing but wouldn't *personally* want to do it (like anal sex).

I don't have a lot of advice, but I just wanted to say I'm pretty much in the same boat you are... my boyfriend loves the idea of giving me a rimjob and anal sex, and often while he's going down on me he'll let his finger wander to that region...

I'm not a huge fan of it, partly because I feel "why would you want your face there???", and partly because I'm not used to the sensation. I've gotten better with it, as I'm associating it more and more with him going down on me, etc (and if I'm not enjoying it, he'll stop immediately, bless his soul). But I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I'm enjoying it so much that I'd rather him finger/lick/penetrate my ass as opposed to my vag. :)

Your comment pretty much sums up EXACTLY what I was going to say, to the point that I now think we are the same person.

same here! but i guess i should give it a shot before i totally rule it out...

a good way to do that without YOU being freaked out is to use "flavored lube".

I dated a guy or two who was into anal and anal "munching" *lol*

It doesn't really matter to them, they like it no matter what, but to the women, we can be a lil' freaked out, naturally...so, me being paranoid about being stinky down there or just flat out tasting nasty, I use flavored lube.

Good luck, relax, and maybe try using a vibrator on your clit, to take your mind off of it. *nods* always works for me.

lol it brings a whole new meaning to the term "ass muncher".

flavored lube... that's an excellent idea. and oddly enough we just introduced the vibrator into our gettin'-it-on so the whole using it on the clit sounds really good too. maybe it'll take my mind off of the fact that he's licking my butt!

Oh believe me, it helps!!!
I'm not a big anal girl either, but I know that some guys just think that anal stuff is the best thing in the world. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years that loved anal...and whenever we'd do it, I would grab my vibrator and play with myself, it didn't just make the anal stuff tolerable, it made it pretty enjoyable.

give it a shot, you might just enjoy it, I mean knowing your man enjoys it is pretty much all it takes to get me to do things...

You should totally read Anal Pleasure and Health: A guide for Men and Women (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0940208202/104-6853212-9023143?v=glance) by Jack Morin (aka "The Buttfuckers Bible").

I got it on interlibrary loan from my university's library ;)
I think the process of GETTING a copy of this book actually opened me up (so to speak) to anal sex play. It's all about fighting a very deeply ingrained societal taboo. And the librarian handled it quite nicely I must say :)

hey Feckalyn since you are an oh-so-wonderful maintainer of this Vagina Wonderland i was wondering if i could make a request.

will you please archive this entry? there was a comment written at the bottom (http://www.livejournal.com/community/vaginapagina/5848710.html?thread=67093126#t67093126) that was incredibly helpful for me, and that, along with everyone else's tips, would really be beneficial to have in the archives. especially since there isn't very much in there on the topic.

so i just thought i'd ask :) thanks!

Will do :)

awesome, thank you so very much

Also, you should be able to archive community entries in your own memories section if you want a personal copy of it (unless that is breaking a rule I don't know about?)

There's no rule against that :)

Excellent :D

I think there are a few posts that might be helpful here:

http://www.vaginapagina.com/archives.php#Sex%20and%20Sexuality

Also, I'd recommend The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1573440280/qid=1123181704/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_sbs_1/104-2262622-9559953?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) by Sex Goddess Tristan Taormino. You might check out her website (http://www.puckerup.com/) too--last time I looked there was some really neat stuff there.

First off, I think it is awesome to hear that you and your partner are talking openly about your fantasies while not putting pressure on each other or judging one another. That is really cool.

Secondly, I really can empathize with where you are at. I remember when I first started having sex and a partner "accidentally" touched my rectum. I FREAKED and was very negative. In fact, I believe that I told him that if he ever touched me there again I'd break his fingers. (Yeah, not exactly healthy.) I remember associating that sort of touching with pain, humiliation, feeling out of control, and "dirtiness".

Warp forward about 17 years, and you find where I'm at now...someone who LOVES anal play.

I've found out that anal play is NEVER painful, if it is done right. If it is done wrong, it sure in hell is...and with every "wrong" moment of play you convince your body that anal is painful and not to be enjoyed. So, never allow pain...ever. Things need to be relaxed and pleasurable, or not done.

Similarly, anal play is not humiliating unless you are with someone who is attempting to put you in a vulnerable situation and look down upon you for your participation in it. If they are doing that (and you aren't into that sort of thing) than you shouldn't be letting them into ANY part of your body or heart anyway. Your body is sacred...all parts of it. The anus is a collection of very sensitive nerve endings located in a very private location. When you allow someone to touch you there, it is a show of trust and intimacy. You should be respected at all times, and you should understand emotionally that there is nothing wrong or dirty about you because you enjoy being touched in a place that feels good. Your body isn't disgusting. It belongs to you, and you have a right to full ownership and exploration of every part of it.

As for feeling out of control, I'm a firm believer that it is vitally important for the person whose anus is being touched to guide things. They should have control of how things happen (unless they specifically want to give up that control). That will lead to a better encounter, and helps build essential trust. They should be able to tell the other person how much pressure they are interested in, and what sorts of sensations they want to feel. They should be able to stop it at any time (as with any sexual situation). They should know that it is okay to stop and start as they feel comfortable.

Now for the final biggie...feeling dirty somehow. Well, I can give you all sorts of tips about cleaning. You can take a shower right before, and you can insert a finger inside your ass and clean out the inside. You can give yourself an enema. You can use barriers such as saran wrap with some lube, or you can put latex gloves on his fingers. You can fast beforehand. You can watch your diet before play.

(more)

The thing is, you'll still feel "dirty" and have a rough time enjoying things until YOU are comfortable with you. Believe it or not, your mouth is about as dirty as your anus most of the time. I talked to a doctor and was told that the average person probably ingests more fecal matter when they eat fast food than they do when performing analingus. (I can't say that helped me love fast food at all... hah) Believe it or not, as long as you are healthy and eliminating waste properly...the anal area is actually pretty damn clean. I've had an entire fist in my bottom and it never came in contact with fecal matter. When it was removed, it was clean. Now, obviously that is really advanced stuff and not everyone is going to like that (and someone should be HIGHLY EDUCATED in anal play before trying anything like that)...but I'm just trying to make the point that you probably won't have him coming into contact with waste while he plays with you.

I suggest that before you ever let HIM play with you there...you do by yourself. Start by just LOOKING at that part of your body. Many folks never have, so it is no wonder they worry about what others will see. Use a hand mirror and just look at yourself after a shower. You may be shocked by how clean and nice it looks. Maybe next time you are in the shower, allow yourself to touch the outside of your anus lightly. Don't try to put anything inside. Just feel the texture. Allow yourself to see how sensitive that area is. Once you get comfortable with that, maybe try to touch it during masturbation. Wear latex gloves if you are worried about getting your fingers near it. Put a bit of lube on the fingertip, and just gently massage the outside of yourself. DON'T poke at yourself or cause any sort of pain. Just feel the gentle massage on the outside. Work with yourself until you are comfortable with that area and THEN let someone else near it, if you feel okay about it.

Practical tips?

Don't let any object (including mouths) go from ass to vagina without being cleaned. If someone wants to go ass to vagina, then it is important that a barrier was used (like gloves, condom, saran wrap) so that you can remove the barrier when you go from one to the other.

Don't play around when you feel you need to go to the bathroom (unless you are comfy with fecal matter perhaps coming into play).

Don't eat a diet that will be producing really soft stool and gas (like Mexican food) before play.

Empty your bowels and clean yourself thoroughly before play.

The number one thing though is to psychologically become comfortable with your ass yourself. If you don't, the experiment is sort of doomed...it is sort of like trying to enjoy a kiss if all you can think about is the fact that someone else's SPIT is coming in contact with your TONGUE. hah ;)=

Vamp:)=

thank you SO MUCH.

seriously you have been so helpful. you sort of helped introduce the idea that it's not really dirty, it's intimate. you've also given me some awesome hints.

it also occurred to me that my partner and i must be doing pretty well if we're becoming so open and comfortable with each other. we've only been together about 5 months so we're still getting used to what one another needs.

but anyway, thanks so much for your input. i'm going to ask the mods if they wouldn't mind adding this to the archives for other people since there isnt too much info on rimming in there.

thanks again!!

p.s. it makes me very happy that i don't eat fast food any more :)

i wanted to thank you for this comment, because people like you who can write in a detailed, easy to read fashion make this community a joy to read. i appreciate your candidness, and willingness to share first hand knowledge. :)

This was a fantastic comment, I had a similar sexual evolution and I couldn't agree more with everything you've said here. Thank you for taking the time to explicate everything so well- wonderful job!

oral on vag, fingering in vag and bum -- all at once.

holy orgasm.

that's all i'll say.

oooh...

AYYYMEN TO THAT X 100!

agreed!

i would make sure that you're just relaxed, have him massage the area around your asshole for a while, go down on you, finger you etc. if you feel more comfortable with saran wrap, that's cool, but as long as you wash yourself beforehand, you should be clean enough for him to do it without the saran wrap. i would recommend tristan taormino's "the ultimate guide to anal sex for women" and "pucker up" (she also has a website), because she is the QUEEN of butt play and will make even the most butt-weary embrace the asshole.

i want to embrace the asshole! lol

thank you i'm going to check it out asap

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