Sex & Such

[stonemesilly.livejournal.com]

Back story: Went to detox for alcohol issues and then to a halfway house because I had burned all my bridges and didn't have anywhere else to go in 04/2010. I met a guy in AA and decided to move in with him after I "graduated" the house in 10/2010. We had only been together a few weeks but it was clear it was a serious long-term thing for the both of us.

Issue: He feels that I'm very needy, he never gets any time to himself, and that I'm always hanging all over him. I feel so lonely. We might spend time together as in we're both in the same room at the same time but it just doesn't feel like "time" to me if that makes any sense. I tried to tell him this and tells me I'm being dramatic but how can you be dramatic if you're just saying how you feel? I'd love to just lay in bed in each others arms and watch a movie or something. That would just make me feel so good and connected. I know it's not his him thing but it makes me feel rejected that he can't do that for me. I sometimes to freak out when we aren't having as much sex as we use to because I feel like when he wants to have sex with him that that means that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do? I want to get my point across without sounding batshit insane because there is something missing. I almost feel starving for attention that I seek it out in inappropriate ways for being in a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't want him to do that to me so I don't want to do that to him. I also want to try to cool down my stange-5 clinger-ness but I don't know how. 

Comments

[skankkbby.livejournal.com]

..There's a reason AA meetings warn us that addicts should not get together with addicts, especially those going through the program..

I really don't know how to explain my thoughts on the matter without sounding very rude, and I hope you realize that this is not my intent...

It sounds to me like you are both still dealing with the effects of your addictions..

It may not be obvious to you in person, but from what I can understand from your post (which is not a lot, so my opinion is 100% valid) it's not difficult to tell that both of your behaviors indicate that neither of you are at the state you need to be to hold a serious, healthy relationship whilst living together.

When I say "behaviors," I mean that yours seem to be co-dependency and constant need for reassurance that you are still loved, and that your partner is still attracted to you.
His would be the distance thing; suggesting you are overreacting, or being dramatic in expressing your feelings makes me feel like maybe he is not used to that healthy type of communication.
Also, spontaneous decisions like moving in together after only a few weeks is a common aspect of the recovering addict..

[eta-carinae-311.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of that line in the movie 28 Days... “Get yourself a plant. If you can keep it alive for a year, then get yourself a pet. If after two years the pet and the plant are both still alive, you can start thinking about a relationship again.”

Not saying everyone needs to wait 2 years to start seeing someone, but I think it has a good point about building up to it slowly... you need to be able to take care of yourself first, and if you can take care of something simple like a pet or a plant, you might just be ready to take care of another person...