vaginapagina | (no subject)

Does anyone else have trouble getting off with a partner? I started having sex when I was 19. I'm 27 now and I haven't had a single orgasm with any partners. I feel like every man I've been with thinks my vag is a penis and a few strokes is all it takes me to get me going. I can't come through PIV sex and I'm so jealous of anyone who can. I enjoy the sensation but it's not enough. Mind you I've never been in a long-term relationship so that might affect my comfort level, since most guys I've been with are usually a one-time thing or at the most it lasts a couple of weeks. Anyway.....some times I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex, especially when the guy is super attractive, but I just can't seem to come and I don't know how to instruct them without hurting their super-senstive ego. Not to generalize, but every guy I've been with seems to need some kind of reassurance that they're "doing me right" and I don't know how to say "no, you're doing it all wrong" without being rude, especially when it comes to educating them about my vag. Any suggestions?

or do you think this is somehting I can only achieve in a long-term relationship, where we have time to get to know eachother's bodies better and trust eachother enough to be comfortable to try anything?

Thanks!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can climax from PIV, but I need tons of other stimulation in order to do so. Clitoral, oral, whatever, it varies, but the orgasm is never from PIV alone.

That you're not getting off from a few minutes of PIV pounding doesn't surprise me at all! It sounds like you've identified one possible solution: ask for what you need.

Granted, I've only slept with four people, but all of them were extremely open to suggestion. It could be verbal ("please x"), physical (moving their hand somewhere), or if there's some sort of written leadup, instructions in text or whatever. You're not saying "this sucks, do x", you're saying "I really like x" or "it would be hot if x".

If you feel stifled by your partner's need for reassurance, then try prefacing the suggestion with a compliment: "that feels good, even better with x" or somesuch. Also, it may be that they're not necessarily hungry for validation, but they are simply checking in with you. If someone's so sensitive that tactful, constructive feedback is painful, well...I personally wouldn't sleep with them again. But hopefully your partners are mature enough to recognize constructive feedback for what it is: a means for both of you to have really hot sex.

Yeah, these sorts of communications can be a lot easier in a long term relationship, but being an LTR could also make them more difficult. If you have a FWB or a one night stand, it might be easier to open up because you don't necessarily have to see that person again. They mean less to you emotionally, so it's less scary? That might not be the case for you, of course.

"If you feel stifled by your partner's need for reassurance", Yes thank you, this is exaclty it. It's like his need for reassurance trumps my need to get what I need out of the experience. I will try using compliments and the "it would be hot if x" to see if any results come of it.

"If you have a FWB or a one night stand, it might be easier to open up because you don't necessarily have to see that person again. They mean less to you emotionally"
- good point. Why worry so much about what they think? I'm not daing them for life :)