Herpes question I can't find a straight answer to:

[manda-nut.livejournal.com]

Can some one with herpes still have sex??

It may sound silly, but no one has given me a straight answer on this one. And I didn't find it anywhere else on the community. I don't know which type of herpes I have (when I asked the nurse she looked at me all confused and asked "why does it matter? It's herpes"). I'm on a twice-a-day anti-viral. I've never had a sore in my mouth (or eye or nose etc.). I switched birth control so I only have my period 4 times a year with the hope that fewer hormone changes would mean fewer outbreaks. I'm not at all opposed to using a condom. And I haven't had an outbreak in months.

So what's the scoop? Valtrex ads on tv would have me think they're the only way I may not spread herpes, but it's still going to happen eventually (and I'm allergiv to Valtrex, damn them!). The "INTERNETSS!!!11" would have me think that I should just kill myself now because I'll never find someone to have sex with me. And I've already had one great guy stop dating me when I told him.

Thanks in advance!

Comments

[rkt.livejournal.com]

i'm going to be a bit radical and say you don't even HAVE to tell the person you're having sex with you have the virus. maybe you should. maybe you shouldn't. it's really you're call.
do unto to others. blah. blah. blah.

if you're asked, that's another story. and "forgetting" is not an excuse.

i have friends who have hsv(1) from loving family members who kissed them as babies. they've kissed countless people. no disclosure anywhere there. why should sex be escalated to a higher level? that just reinforces the "dirtyness" of teh sex.

[neaira.livejournal.com]

Are you seriously condoning NOT telling someone if you have an STI?

[rkt.livejournal.com]

how many people run around disclosing cold sores prior to make out sessions? they're quintessentially the same virus. hsv 1 and hsv2 just prefer to hang out in different areas of the body.

orally, it's far more visible and, thus, more immediately noticed.

i'm not saying what anyone should or shouldn't do - just an option that is less accepted because sex is taboo and kissing is less so.

[cabsy.livejournal.com]

More people than you would think ask about cold sores. I ALWAYS ask if someone has had cold sores before I will kiss them.

[suicidekitty911.livejournal.com]

i always, always tell! it never occurred to me not to.
hrm.

[speckled-hen.livejournal.com]

This, I think is a very good point.
I get the occasional coldsore, although I haven't had one for several years now, and come to think of it, I've not mentioned it to my boyfriend at all as it's not even crossed my mind.
I might go and have a rethink now I've read this post.

Location Location Location!

[primordial1.livejournal.com]

Actually not true;

You can have hsv 1 gentially and hsv 2 orally. Didn't so much used to be the case, but the times, it seems, are a changing.

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

In some states, knowingly passing an STI to someone that you haven't told in advance is assault. It may also subject you to civil liability.

Not a good idea.

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

I'll look back through my criminal law notes--we talked about it last year. With regard to civil liability, Dennis Rodman was actually sued for giving someone herpes without telling her that she was being exposed. It was a federal case (because they were from different states), but the applicable state law was that of Georgia, I think.

[laurenoid.livejournal.com]

Not sure if HSV-1 is considered an STI. My guess would be NO because that one so commonly manifests on the mouth in childhood. Like someone else said, most people have it in their system.

[ex-birds977.livejournal.com]

HSV-1 can be passed oral-oral, oral-genital, etc.

Both 'flavors' of HSV can be passed either way and either can cause oral or genital warts.

[askdrtroy.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you meant 'outbreaks' not 'warts'. HSV causes small ulcerations, HPV can cause genital warts.

[ex-birds977.livejournal.com]

Hey, mister-- I'm the English major, YOU'RE the doctor!! ;)

thanks for the edit!

[askdrtroy.livejournal.com]

No intent to offend, just wanted to clarify for those in the crowd that don't know the difference. I'm happy to see an English major in here, I'm totally anal about spelling and grammar. :D

[ex-birds977.livejournal.com]

I'm a creative writing major with a POETRY concentration so spelling and grammar are optional/arbitrary. I might not be yr girl :)

[askdrtroy.livejournal.com]

Regardless, still good to know you. I wouldn't hold anything against you. ;)

[laurenoid.livejournal.com]

I know, but I seriously doubt there could be legal ramifications for not revealing that one has HSV-1, as it isn't commonly classified as an STI.

[frankie-cat.livejournal.com]

then I wonder what would happen if someone got infected genitally with it?

[rkt.livejournal.com]

your guess would be incorrect. which is my point.

[laurenoid.livejournal.com]

I don't get how what I said supports your point, but what I mean is that HSV-1 is likely not legally classified as an STI, for the purposes of reckless endangerment laws or anything like that (discussed above.) HSV-2 may be, but I don't know whether either of them are, or whether there are even any states that actually have such laws.

[squeeblette.livejournal.com]

Sex should be escalated to a higher level because if someone decides not to mention that they have a life threatening infection or even just a chronic infection that they can pass to me, and I don't get to make that choice I'm gonna be SERIOUSLY pissed off when I find out...

Sex is not a one person deal, you need to be open with each other about something that could affect the other person's future

[laurensellscorn.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

Disclosing STI status is inherently a personal decision, but it's also an ethical one. Ethically, I think it is imperative that partners (in any kind of sex, kissing, or whatever) openly communicate about possible risks. I realize that isn't always the reality, but I think that is something to strive for.

I think the reason the stakes are higher with sex versus kissing is that the danger is also higher. Not necessarily with regards to herpes, though I would argue that for many people, genital herpes could be more painful and problematic than oral herpes might be (partially because of the stigma, perhaps, but also because physically, it seems like a more sensitive place to have painful sores). But definitely in terms of HIV, and other STIs, that won't be transmitted through kissing but could be through other forms of physical/sexual contact.

It's always up to the individual to make the decision, but in this case, I think there is an ethically sound choice and a...not-so-ethically-sound one, which I believe is what the OP is considering.

[ms-empathy.livejournal.com]

So you wouldn't be upset if you got an STD from someone who didn't tell you that you have said STD?

[ms-empathy.livejournal.com]

Oops, that should say "that s/he has said STD".

[rkt.livejournal.com]

it would be my responsibility to ask if i'm going to care.

[laurensellscorn.livejournal.com]

I would not consider anyone who would knowingly withhold information like that a safe, perhaps even stable, partner to be with. That indicates intention to harm if no precautions are taken, and that's often criminal.

But, I guess that's why you can't trust anyone and should get in for screenings before canoodling.