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vaginapagina2005-06-29 01:01 am
like-marmalade.livejournal.com) wrote in vaginapagina2005-06-29 01:01 am
Nervous First-Timer
Hey you guys. I've been reading this community for a bit and finally gathered courage to post here myself. =) I hope I get this community posting thing right too...
I'm sorry if this might be a little off-topic, and I guess I should post is in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sextips as well, but yall are so nice that I feel more comfortable asking it here. I hope yall don't mind too much.
Before any of this, if I'm graphic, I'm sorry...I figure that the more informative I am, the more you guys can help me. I'm really nervous about this.
I'll try to give you as much info as possible. I'm 20 years old, and a virgin. I have never masturbated/orgasmed in my life. I'm really really sensitive in the vaginal area...so much that my boyfriend jokes about me having a "Proximity Alert" every time he gets close to it. =P I'm one of those girls that likes indirect stimulation...I don't let him get directly to my clit most of the time either (I can't get past the hood thing). We do foreplay and stuff, so it just depends on how I'm feeling...
Okay, besides all that, here's my actual question. My boyfriend and I have tried to have PIV sex like...3-4 times. We both love each other very much. He's a virgin, I'm a virgin...seriously, do people fail this many times? =P I have to admit, it seems each time we get closer. We just figured out that maybe he's been entering wrong...but this presents a new problem because anything around my vagina feels ultra weird.
Backstory...my first gyno appointment sucked because my doctor couldn't get the duck into me to swab me...so I was sent home, prescribed Xanax, and asked to come back. And I STILL had super trouble, Xanax didn't help at all and she barely got a swab. =P Though I told my gyno I was afraid of my first time because of the whole hymen breaking thing...she said I didn't have a hymen that was in the way. So I dunno...
Anyway, as always, every time we try and have sex, it hurts...the first couple of times, there was this "painful pleasurable" feeling that feels good and hurts a little at the same time. Lately it's just kinda been less feel good, and of course when he tries to get in further, it hurts...a lot. I can think perhaps because he's entering wrong, or also because he's a nice size and I'm probably not stretched at all. Sometimes I feel like he's banging on a closed door or sometimes I feel like he's caught in my labia and it needs to go around him on the outside, or sometimes I feel like I'm being ripped apart...
I've thought about the lube thing...and I think some of it is also because I have trouble relaxing. For now, we've decided to take a break from it and not try again for a little bit. Maybe my body's just telling me I'm not ready...but see, my fear is that I'm going to ruin my wedding night because we'll be on our honeymoon, ready to consummate the marriage, and lo and behold, we can't because I can't let him in. I want to fix this. ><
Oh, and don't worry, my boyfriend has never gotten frustrated or anything. He even knows I' making this post (he's gonna look it over and make sure I didn't forget anything.) =P If anything, he's very patient...it's ME who cries and gets angry. I feel like I'm defective. I mean, who has this problem? All the virgins on Vagina Pagina or Sextips post and just post about pain...not..."I'm was a virgin until last ni...wait, I still AM a virgin because I can't have sex even though it's the easiest act in the world!"
Oh, and here's some input from him (we're talking on AIM) =P Good thing we're pretty comfortable with each other, or this would all be really humiliating. He's real supportive though.
Him: You make it soo difficult :p
Him: all..."don't look... don't touch... just find it " :p
Me: Ohhhh
Me: *laughs*
Me: Can I add that you said that? =P
Him:: sure ^^;;;
Him:: Say that I try and pleasure you... but you will have none of it :p
Me:: *laughs*
And I know some of you might suggest trying to masturbate...and...eh...I just...ugh. Medical things just...*shudder* I can't turn myself on by myself and my own touch does not feel good at all. I don't wear tampons...I tried once a long time ago and put the entire applicator up there. I got nausious and decided just to try to get it out to show myself I could and I bent and it slipped right out. I found out I was doing it wrong. Haven't had the courage to try since.
But right now I guess I'll take any advice...anything to make me not feel as alone in this as I do now. Sorry it's so long. >
I'm sorry if this might be a little off-topic, and I guess I should post is in
sextips as well, but yall are so nice that I feel more comfortable asking it here. I hope yall don't mind too much.Before any of this, if I'm graphic, I'm sorry...I figure that the more informative I am, the more you guys can help me. I'm really nervous about this.
I'll try to give you as much info as possible. I'm 20 years old, and a virgin. I have never masturbated/orgasmed in my life. I'm really really sensitive in the vaginal area...so much that my boyfriend jokes about me having a "Proximity Alert" every time he gets close to it. =P I'm one of those girls that likes indirect stimulation...I don't let him get directly to my clit most of the time either (I can't get past the hood thing). We do foreplay and stuff, so it just depends on how I'm feeling...
Okay, besides all that, here's my actual question. My boyfriend and I have tried to have PIV sex like...3-4 times. We both love each other very much. He's a virgin, I'm a virgin...seriously, do people fail this many times? =P I have to admit, it seems each time we get closer. We just figured out that maybe he's been entering wrong...but this presents a new problem because anything around my vagina feels ultra weird.
Backstory...my first gyno appointment sucked because my doctor couldn't get the duck into me to swab me...so I was sent home, prescribed Xanax, and asked to come back. And I STILL had super trouble, Xanax didn't help at all and she barely got a swab. =P Though I told my gyno I was afraid of my first time because of the whole hymen breaking thing...she said I didn't have a hymen that was in the way. So I dunno...
Anyway, as always, every time we try and have sex, it hurts...the first couple of times, there was this "painful pleasurable" feeling that feels good and hurts a little at the same time. Lately it's just kinda been less feel good, and of course when he tries to get in further, it hurts...a lot. I can think perhaps because he's entering wrong, or also because he's a nice size and I'm probably not stretched at all. Sometimes I feel like he's banging on a closed door or sometimes I feel like he's caught in my labia and it needs to go around him on the outside, or sometimes I feel like I'm being ripped apart...
I've thought about the lube thing...and I think some of it is also because I have trouble relaxing. For now, we've decided to take a break from it and not try again for a little bit. Maybe my body's just telling me I'm not ready...but see, my fear is that I'm going to ruin my wedding night because we'll be on our honeymoon, ready to consummate the marriage, and lo and behold, we can't because I can't let him in. I want to fix this. ><
Oh, and don't worry, my boyfriend has never gotten frustrated or anything. He even knows I' making this post (he's gonna look it over and make sure I didn't forget anything.) =P If anything, he's very patient...it's ME who cries and gets angry. I feel like I'm defective. I mean, who has this problem? All the virgins on Vagina Pagina or Sextips post and just post about pain...not..."I'm was a virgin until last ni...wait, I still AM a virgin because I can't have sex even though it's the easiest act in the world!"
Oh, and here's some input from him (we're talking on AIM) =P Good thing we're pretty comfortable with each other, or this would all be really humiliating. He's real supportive though.
Him: You make it soo difficult :p
Him: all..."don't look... don't touch... just find it " :p
Me: Ohhhh
Me: *laughs*
Me: Can I add that you said that? =P
Him:: sure ^^;;;
Him:: Say that I try and pleasure you... but you will have none of it :p
Me:: *laughs*
And I know some of you might suggest trying to masturbate...and...eh...I just...ugh. Medical things just...*shudder* I can't turn myself on by myself and my own touch does not feel good at all. I don't wear tampons...I tried once a long time ago and put the entire applicator up there. I got nausious and decided just to try to get it out to show myself I could and I bent and it slipped right out. I found out I was doing it wrong. Haven't had the courage to try since.
But right now I guess I'll take any advice...anything to make me not feel as alone in this as I do now. Sorry it's so long. >
no subject
I broke my hymen long before I ever had sex, but I still had trouble actually getting my boyfriends penis in the first couple times I tried to have sex too. I felt wet, so I thought "what's the problem?" but looking back I know that I just wasn't as wet as I need to be. Plus I was extremely tense, despite the fact that I really wanted to have sex! Tense vaginal muscles + not enough lube= pain and probably not being able to get your partner's penis in very far.
On your own you could try practicing to relax your vaginal muscles. If you can do kegels, then get comfy, lie down, do a kegel and then when you release your muscles just try to get it as relaxed down their as possible. Really learn the difference from what if feels like to be clenched down there vs relaxed.
What worked for me was learning to relax my vaginal muscles, buying some lube, and then using lots of lube. When it finally worked I had decided to try being on top so that it was easier to see what was happening and I had more control as far as guiding my partners penis. And it was. Once I slowly (very slowly) had managed to get my partners penis in, I was able to relax even more.
As for the pain getting worse the more you try, I'm not sure what the time frame is for the times that you've tried to have sex, but perhaps if they're close in succession, you're vaginal is just getting a little irritated. It happens to me sometimes still. Best to give it a few days to rest and recover, if that is the case, and definitely get some lube.
Also, I'm not sure what your background is as far as what you've been taught about sex, but often if we hear that we're not supposed to have sex before marriage, or not supposed to masturbate, etc etc, those things stick with us for longer then we'd like them too. So part of the hesitation could be psychological. In which case I don't know what to suggest except to be patient, give it time and try to become comfortable with your body. Maybe spend more time with your boyfriend getting more comfortable with other sexual things before trying sex again? I'm really not sure. I think someone else might have better suggestions that I do, if this is the case.
Anyway, I think it's great that your boyfriend is patient and you two are taking it slow. Forcing this is definitely not the way to go.
no subject
no subject
I never thought of vaginal excersizes before, and I think someone else posted something about kegels in another entry once. I'm not sure what they are/how they work, but I'll research it. Being able to relax easier will definately be handy. As well as the lube thing. =P Are there any other ways to practice in the meantime?
I'll talk to him about trying on top too. I'm always afraid I'm going to do something wrong if I'm on top and like, break/bend/sprain him or something. But if it worked for you, it sounds helpful. =)
But yeah, I've decided I want a little break in trying. Some recovery time, both physically and emotionally, as I've been kinda beating myself up over it (as you can tell =P). Plus, it's not super important to our relationship (plus, we're both innocently clueless), so I can go without it. =P I'm really glad I posted for advice. I still have lots to learn!
Thanks for your help! =)