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vaginapagina2012-02-03 08:35 pm
stonemesilly.livejournal.com) wrote in vaginapagina2012-02-03 08:35 pm
Sex & Such
Back story: Went to detox for alcohol issues and then to a halfway house because I had burned all my bridges and didn't have anywhere else to go in 04/2010. I met a guy in AA and decided to move in with him after I "graduated" the house in 10/2010. We had only been together a few weeks but it was clear it was a serious long-term thing for the both of us.
Issue: He feels that I'm very needy, he never gets any time to himself, and that I'm always hanging all over him. I feel so lonely. We might spend time together as in we're both in the same room at the same time but it just doesn't feel like "time" to me if that makes any sense. I tried to tell him this and tells me I'm being dramatic but how can you be dramatic if you're just saying how you feel? I'd love to just lay in bed in each others arms and watch a movie or something. That would just make me feel so good and connected. I know it's not his him thing but it makes me feel rejected that he can't do that for me. I sometimes to freak out when we aren't having as much sex as we use to because I feel like when he wants to have sex with him that that means that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do? I want to get my point across without sounding batshit insane because there is something missing. I almost feel starving for attention that I seek it out in inappropriate ways for being in a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't want him to do that to me so I don't want to do that to him. I also want to try to cool down my stange-5 clinger-ness but I don't know how.
Issue: He feels that I'm very needy, he never gets any time to himself, and that I'm always hanging all over him. I feel so lonely. We might spend time together as in we're both in the same room at the same time but it just doesn't feel like "time" to me if that makes any sense. I tried to tell him this and tells me I'm being dramatic but how can you be dramatic if you're just saying how you feel? I'd love to just lay in bed in each others arms and watch a movie or something. That would just make me feel so good and connected. I know it's not his him thing but it makes me feel rejected that he can't do that for me. I sometimes to freak out when we aren't having as much sex as we use to because I feel like when he wants to have sex with him that that means that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do? I want to get my point across without sounding batshit insane because there is something missing. I almost feel starving for attention that I seek it out in inappropriate ways for being in a monogamous relationship and I wouldn't want him to do that to me so I don't want to do that to him. I also want to try to cool down my stange-5 clinger-ness but I don't know how.
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While the points that over superstars have made are absolutely valid, it could be that you both have different needs in the way of love.
There are five love languages - Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.
I'd suspect that, like me, your primary language is Quality Time - you need to spend time with your partner to really feel loved. But someone whose primary language is something like Acts of Service isn't going to understand that need, and will confuse 'time in a room together' with 'quality time together'.
If your partner isn't abusive and both your addictions are under control as far as things go, it might be that you both need to work a bit harder to learn one another's love language. (If you don't know what his is, chances are he's feeling unloved too - but he feels love in a different way, so finding out what he is and trying to show you love him THAT way might make him more receptive to showing you love the way you like best.)