(TW) Update on my sister's child abuse case

[rebeccagrace.livejournal.com]

Hello VPers.

I wanted to give an update about my nephew's child abuse case. I called child services today to get an update on the case. The person in charge of the investigation told me that they had closed the case due to lack of evidence. I am so, so upset. The person basically told me that I was the only person who had come forward and that everyone else had said that it wasn't that bad, and/or they hadn't seen anything. I was made to feel like I was almost making it up, to cause trouble. The person was like, "Well, no one else has corroborated your story, so..."

I don't know what else I can do, VPers. I tried, and now I feel like I have failed my nephew and it just makes me ill. I am already under so much stress from the whole thing, and then just to be told that there was no case basically because there were no marks or bruises just makes me feel awful. She won't get the help she needs, and my nephew still has to live with her...and...it's awful. I feel like I haven't made the slightest difference. 

Wow, I'm sorry...this kind of turned into a pity party for me, and I didn't mean it that way. I just feel so bad, and scared for my nephew. What more can I possibly do? There is no way on earth I will ever be allowed to see my nephew or niece again after this, so I've lost them...therefore I have lost my ability to protect them and nurture them. I am sad. 

Comments

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

You didn't say she "may" find it helpful though - you said you thought it would be the best thing for her to do. You're right, she may find it helpful, or she may not. In the end, it's a really complex decision, and I wanted to reflect back to you and to the OP that there are a lot of options. It's not obvious that she should do that (and given that she is being undermined by her family, I think it's important to be empowering of whatever she thinks is best for herself.)

Most people don't cut their abusive families out of their lives...and it's not only because it's all they know. There are lots of reasons. Family is important, and sometimes even when they are abusive it is better to have them around than not.

Anyway, I think I just wanted to suggest that it might be best to word advice more cautiously, especially when it is something that is kind of a big deal and a VERY personal decision. Saying "I think it would be best if you did this..." is different than saying "If you did want to do this, it would be ok, and you might find it helpful..."

[OP, I'm sorry for being all over this post. It's a combo of an issue I care a lot about, and me being sick and stuck in front of the computer. I hope I havent been a PITA.]

[msmoonshade.livejournal.com]

OP seems to have gotten what I was trying to say without being offended and she doesn't think that's the right thing for her - which is perfectly fine. Who doesn't have a lot of history with family drama? What works for some people in handling a situation may not work for all. That should be implied. You have a nice evening.

[ponta1anime.livejournal.com]

One thing I've learned about this community- there is no such thing as "implied" or "assumed" in a safe space. No one should assume that anyone is going to get exactly what they mean if it is worded aggressively or ambiguously, and no one should assume that other people's situations in any way mirror their own. I've found the best way to give advice in a place like this is as a suggestion, not in commanding or definitive language. While some people can deal with that language fine, others may find it offensive, offputting, or make the situation even more difficult. We are supposed to respect ALL of those potential reactions here by watching how we say things in addition to what we are saying.