Adoption

[inmycrease.livejournal.com]

I know this isn't directly vagina related, but it is related to reproduction so here goes, hope it is ok to post here.

I'm interested in adopting someday (not in the near future but still) and I was wondering if anyone knew of informative materials : books, websites, forums, etc that might help. There is a ton of information out there and I figured I'd ask around before jumping into it. I'm pretty much a complete newbie on this subject so any information, tips, advice would be excellent. Thanks in advance!

Comments

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Aye. Ultimately, if I could tell prospective or existing adoptive parents anything, I would just say:

A) It's important to recognize that adopted children have a unique experience that the adoptive parent may find it difficult to relate to, and sometimes scary or painful to support. Recognize and accept, even if you don't truly understand, that what seems simple to you ("Genetics don't make a family!") may be more complex to your child.

B) Be open, supportive, frank and non-euphemistic about the child's adoption, starting the second the child comes home; if they are adopted as babies, there is absolutely no need to "wait til they can understand," and in fact this can be damaging. Start immediately, before they can understand.

C) If there are very difficult details about the child's biological family, work on developing age-appropriate ways to describe these details. These ways should evolve as the child grows. But nothing should be hidden, even if you feel it's kinder to the child for them not to know.

D) Practice -- even before the child is old enough to speak, if possible -- responding to potential queries or feelings about a biological family. Work through the emotions you may feel yourself, so that if your child approaches you with questions or asking for support finding a biofamily... or even just wants to voice their feelings... you do not react with instinctual fear, pain, anger or even hesitancy. If you want to be the type of mom your daughter talks to about her boyfriends, be the kind of mom your daughter talks to about her birthparents too.

E) Challenge in yourself some of the myths and assumptions about adoption that our society bears. Challenge yourself honestly: do you feel that your choice to adopt was "selfless," or that you are "saving" the child or "giving her a better life?" Recognize that adoption is no more or less "selfish" than having a biological child. Conversely, are you subconsciously disappointed, embarassed or ashamed of having adopted because you really desired to have a biological child? Challenge the assumptions inherent in that.

F) Recognize that in some ways, adopted children can indeed be "wild cards" slightly more than biological children. Be open to who, and what, they will become, while celebrating the place they have in your family.

I could get into more stuff -- there are specific points with cross-ethnic, cross-racial or cross-national adoptions, but I'm not the voice for that as I haven't been directly impacted by it. So those are my key points, anyway.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I LOVE these. Thank you so much for taking the time to share them. I'm book marking this to serve as a future resource. Thank you.