menopausal mother

[elanor-g.livejournal.com]

I need some help., but first the back story would be helpful.

My mum had a hysterectomy in 2001 and was thrown into menopause.  She went on HRT and was taken off when her levels evened out.  She went through the physical symptoms, hot flushes etc, but I think now the emotional is catching up with her.

The thing is its like living with a sleeping dragon, everyone is creeping around on egg shells trying not to get her started.  Its getting really bad, I don't know if I should fight back or keep quiet, help or stay away?!  Its really hard, I've asked before about this on anouther forum and got very few answers.  Please we are all at our wits end with this.

TIA 

Edit: Thanks for all the replys.  My mum was mid 40's when she had the operation.  The years after she was taken off HRT was hard, gramps died and nan had a heart attack.  Thankfully at the moment its reached a calm stage, but I do try to keep my pmt incheck around her and I know its not her fault in all this.

Comments

[ends-and-means.livejournal.com]

honestly, i'm not sure what kind of help your mother needs -- maybe a counselor? but i just wanted to remind you to take care of yourself, and don't feel guilty for it.

[ends-and-means.livejournal.com]

just wanted to add, the same thing happened to my mother when i was in my early teens -- though i'm not sure of the specifics, because we aren't close. living with her was hell to begin with (she has borderline personality disorder and god knows what else), so i'm not sure how much the whole menopause issue actually affected her, or if it was just how she was regularly. it didn't seem any different to me. regardless, my point is that i know what it's like to live with an emotionally unsteady parent. again, do not feel bad about taking care of yourself during this time. it is not your fault. i would avoid confrontation or bringing up issues you know will upset her (which is why my mother knows next to nothing about me). i know how hard it can be when you're not sure what will set her off!

[100ofme.livejournal.com]

I went through this with my mother when she hit menopause. She did not take any hormones because of the risks associated with it. She was so moody. There were days I swore I was never going to talk to her again and vice versa. Just keep quiet. She really can't help herself. I would stay away as often as possible LOL! I told my mom I wasn't going to talk to her until she was through that period. It lasted about two years I think but not a constant two years. She would go through times when she'd be fine and then times when it was like oh lord look out.

You might suggest some natural alternatives for helping menopause. I'm not sure what those would be though.

[corrupted-muse.livejournal.com]

I feel for both of you! Menopause is rather like PMS, if that makes it easier for you to understand. You're not exactly rational all the time, and you just...can't...help...it.

My mother had an early hysterectomy as well, and she was on an emotional roller coaster. Part of that was also due to insomnia from the hot flashes. She saw her doctor, and he had her take an anti-depressant for a while. I'm not sure which one, but she was on it for a bit, then tapered off until she quit all together. She's been doing fine ever since. Would your mother be willing to try something along those lines?

My brother and I just sort of quietly confronted her when she was being overly sensitive, told her we weren't going to talk about whatever it was that was upsetting her. Sometimes we left the room, other times we just stopped talking about whatever was upsetting her, or changed the topic. We didn't want to leave every time she was overly-emotional, because we didn't want her to feel like we were abandoning her.

[dayglow.livejournal.com]

My mom went into early menopause.. I dunno if she's done with it yet or not, I have no idea. All I know is that her periods are way out of whack.

In any case, she got to the point where she decided to start taking anti-depressants to help with her mood swings. She told me, 'When I was at the grocery store one day and realized I was nearly screaming at some poor new bag boy who was putting my stuff in plastic not paper [my mom is big on using paper bags for groceries, never ever plastic - she's been going to the same small mom-n-pop grocery store forever so she's a well-known regular and all the experienced bag boys don't even ask her about paper/plastic] I knew I needed to get some help.' She did, and things got better. It was never really unbearable but she'd have crying fits sometimes, that sort of stuff. I've been out of the house for years now though so I don't have to put up with it. :P

[indis-earfalas.livejournal.com]

When my mother went through menopause, she had all of the physical first ... and the emotional stuff didn't start until quite a few years later. She refused to go on HRT, in part because of the risks and in part because she just hates taking stuff because it makes her feel weak (uh, yeah, she does have some control issues).

I wouldn't outright say you should use my method of dealing with it, because I don't know what you're like or your mum, for that matter. But eventually I got so tick and tired of tiptoeing through the bloody tulips with her, that after a particularly moody day (oh noes! The colour of the coffee is not quite right!) I ended up yelling at her and telling her she was being a complete bitch ... and that if she didn't go and get help from the doctor, I'd be moving out.

She was so shocked (because usually everyone was being so careful) that it made her look at her behaviour. Like I said though, I wouldn't outright say you should do that ... I really depends on you.

[unripe.livejournal.com]

I remember my mum going through menopause (she still is really, but in the later stages now) - or at least coming off HRT (she had a couple of stable HRT years before the media scare) - when I was fairly young and self-focused (like a 10-14yo does tend to be.) Lots of shouting, yes, but it was better than it could have been because she was aware that it was menopause/hormonal anger so she'd try to be rational (something she's very good at.) So she'd get angry, but she'd moderate the rage and was able to apologise when she was unreasonable and to work some of it out. It does abate. But it might be worth sitting down and having a big fat chat with your mum about how she's feeling about it all, and reading up on it a little so you can understand where she's coming from, and letting her know that you understand why she's having irrational flashes of rage, but that she has to try and think about it too. Luck!

[tornattheelbo.livejournal.com]

Why'd they take her off the Hormone Replacement Therapy?!?! That's likely what's caused her drastic mood change, going off the hormones.

It just seems odd to me that once you've 'evened out' that they'd take her off - i mean isn't the whole point of HRT to even you out? Why mess with that once you've established a steady hormone level? I'm a little flabbergasted @ that.

in any case, if you visit the same family doctor, you could bring it up to them, tell them you're concerned about your mother's well-being... and you could ask them questions...

in fact - maybe you should try the ask_a_nurse comm?

You also asked for advice re: fight or flight - my advice would be to try not to engage in any kinds of arguments with her - it sounds like she could be acting kind of unreasonably/irrationally and certainly hormones (or lack of) can def. do that to you. If she starts in on you about something, be as polite as you can, but walk away. Whatever it is, it's not worth the energy to argue.

[elanor-g.livejournal.com]

she was only on the hormones for about a few years using the implant therapy. All I know about the levels is that she wasn't using all the hormones in the implant towards the end and I think thats what made then take her off HRT.

I might do that next time I see the doctor, maybe they'll have some advice for me.