where the hell is my cervix?

[justlikepoetry.livejournal.com]

i bought instead cups the other day, as a sort of prelude to the diva cup, to see how they'd feel and whatnot. i am generally pretty anti-insertable however, and i never ever use tampons b/c they are gross. however, it was very uncomfortable getting the instead in, even though my girlbits were pretty juicy and i wasn't on my period. anyway, they said to cozy it up to your cervix, but i couldn't find mine! i poked around in me but couldn't reach, and then i asked my boyfriend to poke around, and he thought he reached it, but i couldn't tell. i was squatting at one point and i was also in a semi-pelvic exam sort of position, so i don't think it was the position i was in. i know my cervix is high and off to one side, but should it be so far that i can't touch it? my fingers are short though, which i bet doesn't help.
anyway, it was such a frustraing, uncomfortable experience. i thought the instead was huge and it felt weird once i got it in as far as i was able to poke it.

i don't know if i want advice or just to whine about it... :x but i won't be able to afford a girlbits exam any time soon, so it's not like i can hop on over and ask them to find my cervix and pop one of those puppies in. i guess i thought something so nifty would be way more comfortable and easy to use.