First PIV for a 52 year old woman

[ticktockman.livejournal.com]

My girlfriend has decided she's ready for us to have PIV. She's a virgin, and she's 52 years old. I've read lots of advice online for first penetration, but nothing specific to women in that age range. I'd appreciate any useful pointers, or links.

Data: we've done lots of manual stim and lots of oral stim. She's worried that she is "too small" for my penis. She's had Pap exams in the past, and the doctor used a pediatric speculum. I've done some gentle and shallow finger penetration, and she asks me to stop after a short time. Nonetheless, she'd like to do Penis in Vagina intercourse. I have not had a good look at her vaginal vestibule, so I don't know if there's any tissue in the way.

At what point should she seek medical advice to find out if vestibulitis or vaginissmus is an issue?

Comments

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

Possibly stupid questions: What kind of lube are you using, if any? What reasons does she give for wanting you to stop? The more specifically she can describe any pain, the more helpful we can be.

Also, consider the drying effects of various medications, hormonal changes (menopause!), the power of anxiety, and the possibility of infection.

nothing age specific, but...

[spicytoys.livejournal.com]

Lots of foreplay and lots of lube. I find finger penetration uncomfortable, but intercourse is totally different.

Re: nothing age specific, but...

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

I agree to a point, at least for my current partner. Knuckles can really feel strange and awkward. I wonder if finger cots could smooth things out?

Re: nothing age specific, but...

[emptysilentlife.livejournal.com]

I totally agree. I don't generally like being fingered because it's kind of painful, but for some reason penises that are much larger than 1-2 fingers haven't hurt for the most part. I've never really understood it.

[makale-83.livejournal.com]

Ditto for me as well! I don't like manual stimulation at all, it does nothing for me and the only person I actually liked it w/ had smaller fingers/hands.

Re: nothing age specific, but...

[implodes.livejournal.com]

Having my SO wear a condom over his fingers has made fingering much more smooth/pleasurable.

[caddishness.livejournal.com]

I think each person is different and your post is kind of general. I second the lube thing, if your girlfriend has a hard time being naturally lubricated she might need some extra. Pain can depend on lots of things, from the angle you're using to size. Different positions can help. Gets lots of foreplay and make sure she's relaxed, and keep an eye on her cues, like if she looks like she's in pain then you'll want to stop and make sure she's ok even if she's not saying anything. I think that it's normal for people's first time(s) to hurt, but if she's in absolutely excruciating pain, or if the pain persists, then it might well be vaginismus.

[jennifer0246.livejournal.com]

i don't see any reason to think she has vestibulitis or vaginismus; it's very normal for someone who has never had PIV penetration to have not had exams with large instruments and it's very normal to feel some discomfort with finger penetration.

my advice would be to be kind, gentle, very openly communicative, use lubricant, and have the goal being pleasure and enjoyment, not necessarily penetration on first try.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I was going to say something like this. It can take some time to figure out how to make penetration work.

[wiesoauchimmer.livejournal.com]

i don't know how open she is to talk about it or if you'd make her even more nervous by telling her, but:

make sure she has her chin relaxed when you enter her, the muscles are linked, and when she's biting her teeth together it's likely she'll clamp up "down there" too.

so either tell her to relax her chin, or just go in for a deep kiss while attempting to first enter.

plus, i second/third on "lots of lube".

[lurkerwisp.livejournal.com]

On top of lots of lube, let her set the pace and don't say "we're going to accomplish this today" when you start. If there's no plan and no pressure from any expectations, she may find it easier to relax and have fun.

[makale-83.livejournal.com]

Lots and lots of lube!!! Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[i-love-freddie.livejournal.com]

I'm going to agree that I don't see any reason to think that vestibulitis or vaginismus is an issue at this point. I think it's fairly normal for a virgin to be afraid that she might be 'too small' for a penis.

I agree with the others; lots of foreplay and lots of lube. Let her set the pace, take things slowly. Possibly having her on top so that she can control the movement might work - but not everyone is going to like that.

I think the only thing to take into account regarding her age is that she might not produce much natural lubrication, so using extra lube becomes more important.