I'm not sure I have a ton of helpful advice, but I will say that I went through something similar. Sexual expression of any kind was always labeled as "slutty" or "stumbling block" for me growing up. At a young age I was forced (peer/parental pressure) to participate in an abstinence ceremony and had to deal with a lot of guilt the first year I was sexually active.

That being said, my partner and I have never had matching sex drives. It has nothing to do with our beliefs (I don't think, anyway), but more to do with our hormonal hardwiring. It can be very frustrating when you are in the mood for more and your partner isn't. I've found that a good compromise for us is to be practical and work out something to meet eachother halfway. For example, some times when he's not really in the mood he will help me masturbate (half the time it gets him in the mood and we end up in full partnersex anyway! hehe), and sometimes when I can tell he's really tired and asking him would just make a fight, I let it go and masturbate on my own.

I know there may be a level of intimacy that you want from partnersex that isn't exactly achieved by masturbation, but don't underestimate the importance of self-loving, especially when sexual experiences of the past have all these negative undertones. If you like and value all the other parts of your current relationship, being patient, AFTER a full conversation expressing how you feel, might be the best medicine.

This got a little sidetracked, but I guess I just wanted to communicate that you are not alone, many people have negative experiences to work out related to sex, and many, couples have mismatched sex drives (I know in this case it is values-based). Focus on what is healthy for you and be open with your partner.