is it normal for intercourse to be painful at first?

[chipie.livejournal.com]

Where do you all stand on the should-intercourse-be-painful-at-first debate?  (A debate that may or may not only exist in my head.)

I've always believed that there was no reason why first-time intercourse would be painful.  Especially if you've been sexually active before, use lots of lube, are turned on, have no problems with tampons or fingers, etc.

But that's what I did when I first started having intercourse, and it was still really painful.  Since then, over the course of one year or so, I've probably had/attempted intercourse about 20 times, maybe more.  The pain I've been having basically feels like there just isn't enough room in my vagina, if that makes sense.  Nothing seems to help it and it hasn't gotten better with time.

I've now given up (temporarily, I hope) because I don't think it should be this painful, and I don't like birth control.  But I also wonder if the pain was normal.  Maybe if I had just kept going it would eventually have gone away?

What do you all think?  It is normal for intercourse to be painful the first few/many times?  Or does that signal a problem? 

(I am going to see a doctor about it anyway, but I'm just wondering what the consensus is on this.  My friends are really divided, and I'm confused!)

Comments

[punchbunz.livejournal.com]

definitely see a doctor. you may benefit from some sort of surgery--you never know! a friend was a virgin until she married, which was around the age of 24, and she bled all the time. her husband, a real jerk anyway, was very short but quite thick. she couldn't handle the sex, and he forced her anyway, which ultimately led to a divorce!

she's never mentioned what happened with her doctor's visit but has had quite a few partners since then, never complaining. she had that same issue, though, explaining that she just feels like she has a "cap"--a limit--that cannot be exceeded, and from what i know, her other partners have had relatively small, thin penises.

disregard the few ignorant comments here! there's no way anyone can know what someone else's anatomy is like or why. the average vaginal canal is about four inches long before being stretched by a penis. some women can accomodate the entire length of an 11-inch penis just fine; most will not.

who knows what your problem is and how it can be resolved? see that doctor! enjoy your sex life afterward!

[chipie.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad no one seems to think I'm overreacting by seeing a doctor.

[punchbunz.livejournal.com]

and, hey, if your doctor doesn't give you an answer that you feel is satisfactory, seek another opinion. no two people think the same way; don't feel dejected or forced to accept that it's just in your head if your doctor laughs at you.

i've got many therapist friends and no two agree on very much. some people bring personal hang-ups or beliefs to work that should be checked at the door. if this doctor doesn't seem like someone you can work with, try interviewing a few gynecologists or even going to Planned Parenthood until you're sure you've got a good match.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

" the average vaginal canal is about four inches long before being stretched by a penis."

I don't believe that this is exactly correct. Yes, the average vaginal canal is quite short. But it's not the stretching by the penis that elongates it - the vaginal canal elongates when a woman becomes aroused. I'm not aware that having penetrative sex can make your vagina longer, aside from the arousal related expansion.

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

Vaginas aren't 'stretched' by anything, let alone something as soft as a penis. The vagina deepens in response to arousal with the cervix being drawn up higher to facilitate penetration. It relaxes back down to it's usual size post sex.

[chipie.livejournal.com]

If vaginas aren't stretched by anything, wouldn't that mean that if it hurts because it feels like there isn't enough room, it will always be that way? How can it change without stretching?

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Vaginae themselves aren't stretched by the objects entering them. The vaginal canal lengthens and expands as a result of arousal.

However, that expansion can be limited by other portions of the anatomy. For example, pelvic floor disorders -- where the pelvic floor muscles don't have proper strength or elasticity -- aren't terribly uncommon.

[chipie.livejournal.com]

What I don't understand, then, is why it seems normal/accepted that first intercourse is painful, but not normal that the pain keeps going after a long time (to judge from other people's comments). Is it just because women aren't aroused properly at first? Or is there some sort of stretching happening? Why would so many people seem to have painful sex at first and then not later on in their sex lives? (I should clarify that I'm not talking about length of the vagina, I'm talking about width of the opening I guess.)

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Hymens aside, it's pretty common for the vaginal and pelvic floor muscles to be somewhat tense during new/unknown situations -- which early encounters with penetrative sex would be. Even for folks who are consciously relaxed and aroused, it's not unusual to retain some tension on a muscular level. Typically (or hopefully), what happens is that as the body becomes used to penetrative sex, "muscle memory" teaches the muscles that X amount of relaxation is necessary/a good thing. That leads to sex becoming more physically comfortable over time.

When intercourse *doesn't* become more comfortable over time, this can indicate that there's something else/something different going on that's interfering. Depending on the exact location/type of pain, possibilities would include things like a resistant hymen, vaginismus, pelvic floor dysfunction, etc.

[chipie.livejournal.com]

Ah, that makes perfect sense, thank you! So exciting when something clicks in my brain like that. =)

I've noticed when I do kegals that I can clench the musles okay, but when I try to relax them they never feel fully relaxed. I don't know if that's normal (the muscles always feel not fully relaxed, even when I'm not doing kegals) or if it's a sign of vaginismus or something else. I guess the doctor should be able to tell me.

Thanks!

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

FWIW, that sounds reasonably consistent with my own experience, and I have a pelvic floor dysfunction. I'm 100% not trying to diagnose you via Internet (I can't, and I'm sure you don't want that anyway), but a couple of things that might help:

First, if you find that your gynecologist isn't able to help as much as you'd like, it may be worth asking if you can see a pelvic pain physical therapist (or a physical therapist who's comfortable treating pelvic pain issues).

Also, it may be worth reading through the pelvic floor series here (http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/tag/pelvic%20floor) for suggestions on activities you can do to start relaxing your pelvic floor now. (Moat of the yoga postures to relax the pelvic floor muscles are safe to do regardless of whether a person is experiencing pelvic floor issues or not.)

[chipie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your suggestions! I'm really hopeful that the gynecologist will be more helpful with the generalist doctors I've seen so far (I go to my school's clinic so I always see different ones, which probably hasn't helped), but I'm glad to know about the option to request a referal to a perlvic pain therapist if that doesn't help.

And I will definitely look into the pelvic floor yoga series, thanks!