this is why i love this community :) that others can understand why this bothers me, and contribute helpful thoughts.
the marriage thing, i think, does in fact play a part also. i think if i was married now, the attitude would be a lot different. perhaps still a little unfair because i think young marriages are seen as stigmatized in some places (and most certainly there would be an assumption that i was pregnant, in certain circles).
that marriages make contraception pointless itself is a damaging enough idea though, that anyone married can just deal with a baby, and that they are "of course" not cheating etc.
thanks :)