I hate to say it, but it sounds like a lot of the women here need to work on their self esteem and self image issues. I do not mean this in a derogatory sense. But, it's important for us all to accept other's feelings, thoughts and opinions when they are contrary to our own without taking it as a personal jab, rejection or as a judgment of ourselves. We need to be able to stand strong and accept that sometimes we can't get what we want when we want it. Sometimes things don't work out the way that we want. Life is full of setbacks and disappointments. We all know this. We all deal with this in many different aspects of our lives. And yet, when it comes to intimate relationships this can be the trickiest area of all for us to navigate.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect or that I don't struggle with needing to feel wanted and desired or validated by my partner when I am in a serious relationship. But, perhaps we can all start by looking at why we feel the way we do, what thoughts & feelings are truly underlying our behavior, what needs are we really trying to get met.... and then search for other ways to fulfill them so that we aren't so dependent on our mate's response to soothe our delicate egos.
I think often when we are looking for sex what we are really looking for is a way to feel connected and closer to our mate. Therefore I'd say that it is just as important to cultivate those feelings outside of sex within the relationship. Perhaps then we will feel less swayed emotionally by his waning lack of interest as it naturally ebbs and flows with his energy, stress, mood and other distractions in our lives. If he's not in the mood for sex search out other ways to connect, feel close, share physical affection. A hug, cuddle, rubbing his shoulders, staring into each other's eyes, talking about your day, cracking jokes, being playful and silly, etc. And if he's just not in the mood for your special attention and needs a little alone time to decompress from his day, let go of all the obligations, pressures, stresses and other things going on in his life perhaps it will help to take a deep breath and remind yourself that this too will pass. You know that he loves you. You know that he wants you. It's no more silly for him to need a little breathing space sometimes as it is for you. You can even look at it as an act of love to accept him for who he is each day, in each mood... to give him space when he needs it and love and understanding when he needs it. If you are able to cultivate these things the love and the depth of understanding between you will deepen and your reward with lovemaking will be even greater.
Look closely at those reasons and feelings that you're experiencing when you're "not in the mood".... try to better understand your own moods, energy, desires, fluctuations, how the demands in your life affect how you feel with your mate, etc. Perhaps that will help to deepen your ability to truly empathize with your mate and understand his feelings as being different from the love that he has for you.... that his lack of desire for constant round the clock sex is not a reflection of you or his feelings for you.
Men's sex drives are incredibly sensitive to pressures at work and with family, to financial worries, concerns for loved ones, stress anticipating change or because of recent changes in his/your life. Men are fickle creatures and need to be treated with as much tenderness, love, care and respect as women.... sometimes more so. Likewise they have fragile egos, easily damaged and yet full of so much ability to give that sometimes we come to expect it endlessly. But, everyone has a finite amount of energy to give... even for those things that we desire most deeply. Perhaps if you start to see it as a reflection of the bigger picture in his life and the truly complex issue that it is, it will help you not to take it so personally when he doesn't want sex at the same time as you.
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I'm not saying that I'm perfect or that I don't struggle with needing to feel wanted and desired or validated by my partner when I am in a serious relationship. But, perhaps we can all start by looking at why we feel the way we do, what thoughts & feelings are truly underlying our behavior, what needs are we really trying to get met.... and then search for other ways to fulfill them so that we aren't so dependent on our mate's response to soothe our delicate egos.
I think often when we are looking for sex what we are really looking for is a way to feel connected and closer to our mate. Therefore I'd say that it is just as important to cultivate those feelings outside of sex within the relationship. Perhaps then we will feel less swayed emotionally by his waning lack of interest as it naturally ebbs and flows with his energy, stress, mood and other distractions in our lives. If he's not in the mood for sex search out other ways to connect, feel close, share physical affection. A hug, cuddle, rubbing his shoulders, staring into each other's eyes, talking about your day, cracking jokes, being playful and silly, etc. And if he's just not in the mood for your special attention and needs a little alone time to decompress from his day, let go of all the obligations, pressures, stresses and other things going on in his life perhaps it will help to take a deep breath and remind yourself that this too will pass. You know that he loves you. You know that he wants you. It's no more silly for him to need a little breathing space sometimes as it is for you. You can even look at it as an act of love to accept him for who he is each day, in each mood... to give him space when he needs it and love and understanding when he needs it. If you are able to cultivate these things the love and the depth of understanding between you will deepen and your reward with lovemaking will be even greater.
Look closely at those reasons and feelings that you're experiencing when you're "not in the mood".... try to better understand your own moods, energy, desires, fluctuations, how the demands in your life affect how you feel with your mate, etc. Perhaps that will help to deepen your ability to truly empathize with your mate and understand his feelings as being different from the love that he has for you.... that his lack of desire for constant round the clock sex is not a reflection of you or his feelings for you.
Men's sex drives are incredibly sensitive to pressures at work and with family, to financial worries, concerns for loved ones, stress anticipating change or because of recent changes in his/your life. Men are fickle creatures and need to be treated with as much tenderness, love, care and respect as women.... sometimes more so. Likewise they have fragile egos, easily damaged and yet full of so much ability to give that sometimes we come to expect it endlessly. But, everyone has a finite amount of energy to give... even for those things that we desire most deeply. Perhaps if you start to see it as a reflection of the bigger picture in his life and the truly complex issue that it is, it will help you not to take it so personally when he doesn't want sex at the same time as you.